Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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