how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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