If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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