If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
