This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
