she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
