He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
