at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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