So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
