i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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