he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
