we have officially lost it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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