dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
