please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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