i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
