My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
