I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
