I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
