she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
