i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
