If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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