Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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