she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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