I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
