the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
