Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
