Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
