and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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