I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
