Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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