Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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