i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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