I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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