im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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