I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
