Tell her she can't have a vagina
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
