She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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