Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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