How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
