then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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