my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
