the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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