so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
