I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
