Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I met the friendliest cop last night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
