Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
