Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
