Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
