Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
