the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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