Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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