well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
