In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
