this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
